I went to a summer camp starting when I was 10, was a camper for a few summers, then did 2 different leadership programs when I was 15 and 16, and then worked as a counsellor for 3 summers when I was 17-19, leading kids on trips into the wild. Reading this article, I realised what a rite of passage the leadership programs - especially the first one - were. When we were campers, the counsellors did the navigation and made the decisions and were otherwise in charge, but during the leadership programs we had 2 “leaders of the day” who were responsible for navigation, planning breaks and otherwise making decisions; the counsellors of the leadership programs were there for safety and to veto bad decisions, but otherwise were hands off. It was a real change from being a camper, and we made lots of mistakes, but we learned from them.
The camp was a community: if you attended a few years in a row, you could see campers become leadership participants and eventually, counsellors. You were curious and excited/nervous to go through the process yourself. For years, I knew how much these experiences had helped me grow as a person and a leader, but this is the first time I’ve considered how it made me grow as a member of a community. Thank you!
If you are looking for a 'singular event,' obtaining a driver's license used to be the modern rite. A smartphone probably should be it nowadays, but it isn't treated as such by a large proportion of society and I think that is probably part of the problem.
Also, this skews younger. Consider: you can never do heroin legally, can't legally drink until you are 21 (past adulthood), can't sign off on legal documents until 18, can't drive until 15/16, can't get a google account until 13... but you can get a smartphone whenever. I suppose in a world where the internet is regulated, a smartphone is not as dangerous as the other things on that list... but in an open internet world, I agree it is arguably the most dangerous of all.
The above paragraph argues that 'rite of passage' is outdated and 'journey of passage' is more accurate, but expanding on that point takes a much longer post.
One thing I do think you are missing here is that human lifespan has changed so significantly over time. So have the percentage of individuals who reach adulthood and the mortality rates of women in childbirth (a C-section is essentially required for women like my wife to give birth).
Because of these things, modern society can "afford" for it's young people to not only wait to reproduce until they have reached intellectual and emotional maturity, but to opt out of reproducing entirely.
Moreover, because assuring 'the human species' continues is more about protecting ourselves from asteroids, habitat destruction, and nuclear war than assuring there are enough human babies, the role of sex has undoubtedly changed in modern life.
And that means sexual maturation is not just having the ability to reproduce, but to be able to manage these desires properly. Therefore, this too that is more of a journey than a rite at this point, and it is a complicated journey indeed. Another post would have to address this topic, but I don't think I will write it today [even if it is just shown by people's love of music that addresses love, scorned love, lost love, forbidden love, unrequited love, betrayal during love, sex taken rather than given... it is entirely clear that there are 'costs' to being sexually active, and that talking about them is an art, not a science.]
For many people college "IS" the rite of passage from childhood to adulthood, but people aren't going to college for a rite of passage, they are going for job training.
Furthermore, I would argue that up until recently, 'buying a home' and 'starting a family' were really the key measure as to when a person had fully completed the 'rite of passage' into modern adulthood. Indeed: you are 'out in the wilderness', navigating costs/expenses/job markets, and so on. Your success was based on your ability to become 'financially independent,' which was indicated by a desire to own one's own property or start one's own family. HOWEVER, with rising interest rates and falling fertility rates, many of those experiences are now becoming unattainable for even more of the population than it was just a few years ago, and the result is simply a lack of 'community foundation'.
And without a well defined community, what exactly are we initiating people into anyways? Indeed, I am sure many elders in the community I grew up in would simply note the reason for every issue you noted above is 'bad parenting' as created by modern government efforts to 'destroy the family'.
Finally... based on what I've said here... are you sure you tackled this from first principles? SHOULD a parent want to put their child through a rite of passage to become part of a modern culture that lacks a defined ethos? Or should such rites be restricted to well defined communities, pointing to the issue that 'modern culture' lacks such rites precisely because no one knows what they are initiating their children into when embracing 'modern culture'? Indeed, if a parent chooses a rite of passage for their child, they should do so because they believe it will be helpful to them to become a valuable member of the initiated into community.
But what if parents don't see a community they want to initiate their children into? They should JOIN ONE FIRST, right? That's part of being an adult! So the biggest issue, in my opinion, is the lack of emphasis on belonging to communities to begin with, not the lack of rites of passage into them. And nothing has done more to destroy (old) communities (and create new communities) than the internet, and by extension, the smartphone. An emphasis on rebuilding communities is what is really needed - defining a rite of passage is but a small part of that process.
...
In conclusion, I agree with you that we should me more deliberate about rites of passage in the modern world. I also believe these rites are now journeys, but we are not doing much if anything to helping our children understand when their journey to adulthood begins and when it truly ends.
I think a journey of passage is very much part of the problem. When things are continuous, there is not clearly marked "before and after", so the psychological transition doesn't happen.
I do think every child should go through a rite of passage for coming of age, simply because there are all these psychological needs that are unfulfilled today and must be. The lack of these rites because of ignorance is not a good justification to have no rites. That's the point of this article: To educate on the role of such a rite and how to design it properly, so that ppl can do it.
We belong to a community, which is our national society. In the case of the US and Europe, Western society. Whether we want it or not. So we better prepare our children for it.
I agree that it is important to consider the increase in lifespan. Until the early 20th century the average age at death was about 42. That meant that there wasn't all that much time after the onset of puberty to move into the should parts of life like having kids, finding shelter, growing and hunting food, etc. Even less time to assist your grown kids to have their kids, given the time of grandparents in helping. With the near doubling of lifespan, the age of puberty onset is relatively much younger relative to the expected lifespan. Few 13-15 year olds are expected to act like adults. Human behavior evolves much faster than human physiology, which has resulted in the odd tension between teens having adult bodies but still childish brains and societal expectations. Few societies have come to with solutions to this disparity. I think there is something to be said for teens doing two years of community service when they reach 18 - preferably something aling the lines of the Peace Corps, Americorp, or a Civilian Conservation Corps, rather than the military.
You make an interesting point about modern rites of passage, Bob. Getting a driver's license used to be a significant milestone, but smartphones, despite their ubiquity, aren't given the same weight.
The varying age restrictions on significant activities highlight the inconsistencies in how we view responsibility and readiness. While smartphones can be incredibly powerful tools, they also pose unique risks, especially in an unregulated internet world.
It's thought-provoking to consider how we might better manage and recognize the impact of this technology on younger generations. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
An interesting article and one that I have been interested in for 20 years. I wish I had read this 20 years ago, as I would have structured the process a little more formally for my children. However, one graph on suicide shocked me to my core. I knew suicide was increasing but your graph broke it down to ages and sex. What society is doing to our young women is truly terrifying. Perhaps this is a subject matter to drill down with exception research and story telling abilities. Thankyou
IMO, these communuty rituals have declined, in part, due to selective college admissions. My 15 yr old can't be a camp counselor; he is supposed to be running a non-profit AI incubator over the summer. Childhood is dead.
That’s interesting. This doesn’t happen in Europe, where the number 1 (and only?) factor for university acceptance is grades. Maybe the extra-curriculars are really hurting childhood indeed.
The irony of Monique‘s comment is that there is a criticism that wealthier North American young people lack basic “useful” skills (cooking, handyman skills, managing their finances) because their helicopter parents take care of any obstacle that could get in the way of them getting into a good university, and they feel anxious because they don’t know how to manage these aspects of their lives on their own. As a Canadian that moved to Europe after university, I think there is definitely a lot of truth to this, and I imagine it’s even more pronounced in the US, given the much more competitive university admissions process.
But Monique’s saying this same admissions process rewards impressive-sounding extracurriculars like the non-profit AI incubator she mentioned. This sounds like the worst of both worlds…all of the stress of busyness with none of the basic skills that give you the confidence to know you can take care of yourself and manage your own life.
Very fine essay, Tomas. One point was unclear to me: When you mention "observing taboos for education" what does that mean? Can you give an example or two?
It comes from a paper, and my interpretation given the context is that it very literally means that! Like seeing your parents or another couple have sex
I think these initiations declined because the party (quince) became increasingly detached from the outcome (womanhood).
As a society I feel we've decreased the value of these initiations, such as those of college and marriage.
But as individuals, I feel there are some that proactively seek out their own coming-of-age initiations, and maybe setting the bar for their friends too. When I was younger, I was prideful in getting accepted to college, working, moving in with my gf, drinking, etc., earlier than the rest, because it felt that I was taking on responsibility faster.
I think it is often too problematic to treat all members of a group (in your example adolescents) in the same way. People are very different, and the more "extreme" group practices such as these ceremonies/camps can ostracise and potentially harm the "outliers". Think of how young people on the autism spectrum, disabled, gender diverse etc. can be harmed by "normies".
On the other hand, I had positive experiences of first year "fresher" initiation week at my residential college hall. Bonding through shared and sustained difficulty can be a good thing. You just have to make sure things don't go too far, and peoples differences are catered for.
The existence of a mainstream should not negate that of outliers.
Similarly, the existence of outliers should not negate the existence of the mainstream—and the fact that it's a majority. The fact that a few people might need an adaptation is not at odds with the fact that most people would benefit from a common rite. Simply adapt. And I'm sensitive to this topic, having a close person in my circle with autism.
Great article. There's an organization called Illuman that sponsors Rites of Passage for men. I recently participated as a staff member in the rites for a group of young men (see https://www.illumandc.org/ymrop-2024). It was incredible to see the transformation of nine young men over the course of five days.
It's based on Richard Rohr's work on male spirituality and the five essential truths and uses rituals and myths to instill Rohr's message. It is not about developing life skills or learning skills to navigate the world. In terms of transformation, I saw young men develop the ability to share hard emotions, appreciate beauty in nature, be more compassionate toward themselves, and be open to the mystery of the spiritual world.
Coming of Age is a topic I have long mused over. Although you minimize the bar mitzvah, it strikes me as an 'intellectual' coming of age: mastering some part of the sacred texts, learning/memorizing an ancient tongue, performing a ritual in front of the community while wearing ritual garments. This can be distinguished from the 'physical' methods of actual isolation, developing survival skills, enduring actual physical pain, and others as described in your thought piece. My assertion is that the different emphases manifest in different ways toward later success in the culture selecting such rituals.
The maturation process takes a decade now, making it nearly impossible to define a narrow age band around which to create new traditions. Girls increasingly begin menses at ages 9 or 10, but societal education has encouraged women to defer pregnancy from 15-18 to 25 to 30+ years (you have written about falling population replacement rates). Boys simply are not educated in any useful skills in a general, community or shared fashion unless by an individual mentor or exemplar - I am discounting high school 'landmarks'. Communal celebrations for men were military (classically 19th to mid 20th c as nation states raised large armies) or entry into the workforce in one's teens in the era of farms or factories. Things are different.
Your proposed solution immediately raised many concerns in my mind. Global populations are increasing living in urban, even megacity environments, far, far from nature (not that I would wish to have even a pod of 14 year olds wandering Central Park for a week!). The ferocious resistance of many parents to even having cell phones locked up at the beginning of a school day makes it very unlikely that delaying access to a smartphone entirely until some communal ritual at age 15, 17 or 18 will find general agreement, and such agreement is absolutely vital to creating a recognized 'Coming of Age'. Also, having an 'elder' or 'counsellor' guide a group through the amazingly complex array of modern skills you list infers a combination of emotional intelligence and social/technical skills that may be so unique, that an insufficient number of such persons could be trained to safely guide entire generations from childhood direct interpersonal babble to adult tiktok/chatGPT remote exchanges. My concerns may be peculiarly American to your international readership, so I note that my reservations may indeed be parochial.
Your comment on the Bar Mitzvah is fair. It is more than a party (but much less than a true coming of age rite would beget).
On the rite I suggest, the idea was not to propose that literally but to give an example of what designing one could look like, so people like you could propose alternatives. I’m waiting!
I lived in the US and am American too, so I’m acquainted with its approach.
The kids wouldn’t go to Central Park for a week! They’d go to actual forests.
Parents are more pliable that you think, I reckon. All the best schools could easily demand this to start with, and parents would have to acquiesce. More importantly, most parents do not want to give phones to their children and only do it because other parents do it. This is a coordination pbm that schools can solve. Educating parents on the downsides of phones at an early age would be easy to fully sway them.
The forest guide would not need to have all these skills. You could in fact split skills. One adult for survival, another for the conversations.
A great book on the subject I can recommend is "Rites and Symbols of Initiation: The Mysteries of Birth and Rebirth" by Mircea Eliade.
In my own opinion, the closest thing to a rite of passage that's left is probably first time of sexual intercourse. At least among men, you're going to get made fun of if you're a virgin above a certain age, and accepted more when you finally manage to establish a sexual relationship.
Insights from the book, you mean? The second paragraph had nothing to do with it, just a statement of my own observation.
As for the book, I can summarize why I recommended it. I'd put it somewhere between sociology and psychoanalysis: Eliade explains the significance of rites of initiation both on a societal and individual level. Understanding this can aid in coming up with new ones, as you attempted.
Broadly there are a) Coming-of-age initiations, during puberty, signifying acceptance as a full member of the tribe (boy or girl become man and woman) b) initiations into "secret societies", from Freemasons and the like to religions like Christianity and Judaism, signifying membership, knowledge of the mysteries of these cults c) individual initiations, like rites of passage to become a shaman or priest, signifying ascent to a higher state of being, or enlightenment.
In every case, the intent is to impart on the individual knowledge of the various traditions through repetition of the actions of a mythological ancestor. This way, the cultural values, the "way of life" is taught and passed on. Through reenactment, the culture is revitalized and continually reborn. Example: holy communion, where you partake of the body of Christ like the apostles.
Eliade explains all this in detail in case studies of Australia's Aborigines and South American tribes, showing common themes all the way to rights of initiation of today's world religions. Very briefly, one such theme would be descent into the underworld (facing one's fears) followed by rebirth (see the story of Orpheus or Jesus Christ). Sometimes, instead of the underworld, it's the belly of a great beast (saint Jonah, Pinocchio), or the earth itself.
This is, in my opinion, some essential knowledge to craft new rights of passage. Or, if nothing else, to explain the efficacy of old rites (this may be why, supposedly, there's a resurgence of religiosity in Gen Z).
I like the argument in one Buffy episode that the SAT is a coming-of-age rite--it's hard by design, often the source of stress, and it's typically the first test you take, as a child, that's meant primarily for college (i.e. adulthood).
IMO, the central skill of adulthood is perspective-taking. Maybe the rite should be done in pairs--two strangers with limited information about each other and no ability to directly communicate, trying to coordinate and meet up.
Very interesting, these ideas of perspective taking and communicating with strangers. There’s something to them. A good rite could take them into consideration.
Brilliantly written! And completely agree that there should be a defining moment in this new world order that signifies to all the transition from childhood to adulthood. Love your thoughts around the smartphone idea. Admittedly I'm at a loss to improve on it but I'll be sure to start the conversation with my friends.
Very refreshing article. One reflection I would like to add is the fact that maturity correlates a lot with the kind of society you live in. As youth worker dealing with people from different countries I noticed that the adulthood could difers as much as 10 years depending on the country you were raised. For example, a Dutch youngster is expected to move out home before their 20s while already accumulated work experience in 4/5 summer jobs. In the other side for a Italian is quite common to stay at home unemployed even until your 30s. And not, is not only about the economical situation. Being Mediterranean myself I can say that our strong family culture makes our "childhood" longer than to the counterparts from more individualistic countries.
Finally, related with your passage proposals... there is a cool experiment initiated few years ago. Under DiscoverEU programme the European Commission has been giving away hundreds of thousands of free train tickets to 18 years old. The objective? to push them to travel on their own to other country.
The cultural aspect is valid, but the sexual and mental changes are biological. I don't think we should negate them. You can become an adult and still live with your parents! But maybe if you believe you're an adult, your cohabitation with your parents will be more constructive.
Great article, Tomas. I experienced many facets of this topos: Jugendweihe, confirmation, walk-away, no-passage-at-all, individual passage. Luckily without any mutilation or force.
What a wealth. Anecdotically, your written thoughts fully hatch the contours of my experience. I support your footnotes (yet also men shall decide whether to cover their hair or not, cut their beard or not).
I went to a summer camp starting when I was 10, was a camper for a few summers, then did 2 different leadership programs when I was 15 and 16, and then worked as a counsellor for 3 summers when I was 17-19, leading kids on trips into the wild. Reading this article, I realised what a rite of passage the leadership programs - especially the first one - were. When we were campers, the counsellors did the navigation and made the decisions and were otherwise in charge, but during the leadership programs we had 2 “leaders of the day” who were responsible for navigation, planning breaks and otherwise making decisions; the counsellors of the leadership programs were there for safety and to veto bad decisions, but otherwise were hands off. It was a real change from being a camper, and we made lots of mistakes, but we learned from them.
The camp was a community: if you attended a few years in a row, you could see campers become leadership participants and eventually, counsellors. You were curious and excited/nervous to go through the process yourself. For years, I knew how much these experiences had helped me grow as a person and a leader, but this is the first time I’ve considered how it made me grow as a member of a community. Thank you!
If you are looking for a 'singular event,' obtaining a driver's license used to be the modern rite. A smartphone probably should be it nowadays, but it isn't treated as such by a large proportion of society and I think that is probably part of the problem.
Also, this skews younger. Consider: you can never do heroin legally, can't legally drink until you are 21 (past adulthood), can't sign off on legal documents until 18, can't drive until 15/16, can't get a google account until 13... but you can get a smartphone whenever. I suppose in a world where the internet is regulated, a smartphone is not as dangerous as the other things on that list... but in an open internet world, I agree it is arguably the most dangerous of all.
The above paragraph argues that 'rite of passage' is outdated and 'journey of passage' is more accurate, but expanding on that point takes a much longer post.
The Journey idea and additional commentary.
One thing I do think you are missing here is that human lifespan has changed so significantly over time. So have the percentage of individuals who reach adulthood and the mortality rates of women in childbirth (a C-section is essentially required for women like my wife to give birth).
Because of these things, modern society can "afford" for it's young people to not only wait to reproduce until they have reached intellectual and emotional maturity, but to opt out of reproducing entirely.
Moreover, because assuring 'the human species' continues is more about protecting ourselves from asteroids, habitat destruction, and nuclear war than assuring there are enough human babies, the role of sex has undoubtedly changed in modern life.
And that means sexual maturation is not just having the ability to reproduce, but to be able to manage these desires properly. Therefore, this too that is more of a journey than a rite at this point, and it is a complicated journey indeed. Another post would have to address this topic, but I don't think I will write it today [even if it is just shown by people's love of music that addresses love, scorned love, lost love, forbidden love, unrequited love, betrayal during love, sex taken rather than given... it is entirely clear that there are 'costs' to being sexually active, and that talking about them is an art, not a science.]
For many people college "IS" the rite of passage from childhood to adulthood, but people aren't going to college for a rite of passage, they are going for job training.
Furthermore, I would argue that up until recently, 'buying a home' and 'starting a family' were really the key measure as to when a person had fully completed the 'rite of passage' into modern adulthood. Indeed: you are 'out in the wilderness', navigating costs/expenses/job markets, and so on. Your success was based on your ability to become 'financially independent,' which was indicated by a desire to own one's own property or start one's own family. HOWEVER, with rising interest rates and falling fertility rates, many of those experiences are now becoming unattainable for even more of the population than it was just a few years ago, and the result is simply a lack of 'community foundation'.
And without a well defined community, what exactly are we initiating people into anyways? Indeed, I am sure many elders in the community I grew up in would simply note the reason for every issue you noted above is 'bad parenting' as created by modern government efforts to 'destroy the family'.
Finally... based on what I've said here... are you sure you tackled this from first principles? SHOULD a parent want to put their child through a rite of passage to become part of a modern culture that lacks a defined ethos? Or should such rites be restricted to well defined communities, pointing to the issue that 'modern culture' lacks such rites precisely because no one knows what they are initiating their children into when embracing 'modern culture'? Indeed, if a parent chooses a rite of passage for their child, they should do so because they believe it will be helpful to them to become a valuable member of the initiated into community.
But what if parents don't see a community they want to initiate their children into? They should JOIN ONE FIRST, right? That's part of being an adult! So the biggest issue, in my opinion, is the lack of emphasis on belonging to communities to begin with, not the lack of rites of passage into them. And nothing has done more to destroy (old) communities (and create new communities) than the internet, and by extension, the smartphone. An emphasis on rebuilding communities is what is really needed - defining a rite of passage is but a small part of that process.
...
In conclusion, I agree with you that we should me more deliberate about rites of passage in the modern world. I also believe these rites are now journeys, but we are not doing much if anything to helping our children understand when their journey to adulthood begins and when it truly ends.
I think a journey of passage is very much part of the problem. When things are continuous, there is not clearly marked "before and after", so the psychological transition doesn't happen.
I do think every child should go through a rite of passage for coming of age, simply because there are all these psychological needs that are unfulfilled today and must be. The lack of these rites because of ignorance is not a good justification to have no rites. That's the point of this article: To educate on the role of such a rite and how to design it properly, so that ppl can do it.
We belong to a community, which is our national society. In the case of the US and Europe, Western society. Whether we want it or not. So we better prepare our children for it.
I agree that it is important to consider the increase in lifespan. Until the early 20th century the average age at death was about 42. That meant that there wasn't all that much time after the onset of puberty to move into the should parts of life like having kids, finding shelter, growing and hunting food, etc. Even less time to assist your grown kids to have their kids, given the time of grandparents in helping. With the near doubling of lifespan, the age of puberty onset is relatively much younger relative to the expected lifespan. Few 13-15 year olds are expected to act like adults. Human behavior evolves much faster than human physiology, which has resulted in the odd tension between teens having adult bodies but still childish brains and societal expectations. Few societies have come to with solutions to this disparity. I think there is something to be said for teens doing two years of community service when they reach 18 - preferably something aling the lines of the Peace Corps, Americorp, or a Civilian Conservation Corps, rather than the military.
This average lifespan was the average of half of people dying by the time they would have been 5, and the rest aging into their 60s-80s.
Drivers' License does sound like it was a coming-of-age rite of passage indeed!
You make an interesting point about modern rites of passage, Bob. Getting a driver's license used to be a significant milestone, but smartphones, despite their ubiquity, aren't given the same weight.
The varying age restrictions on significant activities highlight the inconsistencies in how we view responsibility and readiness. While smartphones can be incredibly powerful tools, they also pose unique risks, especially in an unregulated internet world.
It's thought-provoking to consider how we might better manage and recognize the impact of this technology on younger generations. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
An interesting article and one that I have been interested in for 20 years. I wish I had read this 20 years ago, as I would have structured the process a little more formally for my children. However, one graph on suicide shocked me to my core. I knew suicide was increasing but your graph broke it down to ages and sex. What society is doing to our young women is truly terrifying. Perhaps this is a subject matter to drill down with exception research and story telling abilities. Thankyou
I've been thinking about it, but it's a very fraught topic
IMO, these communuty rituals have declined, in part, due to selective college admissions. My 15 yr old can't be a camp counselor; he is supposed to be running a non-profit AI incubator over the summer. Childhood is dead.
That’s interesting. This doesn’t happen in Europe, where the number 1 (and only?) factor for university acceptance is grades. Maybe the extra-curriculars are really hurting childhood indeed.
The irony of Monique‘s comment is that there is a criticism that wealthier North American young people lack basic “useful” skills (cooking, handyman skills, managing their finances) because their helicopter parents take care of any obstacle that could get in the way of them getting into a good university, and they feel anxious because they don’t know how to manage these aspects of their lives on their own. As a Canadian that moved to Europe after university, I think there is definitely a lot of truth to this, and I imagine it’s even more pronounced in the US, given the much more competitive university admissions process.
But Monique’s saying this same admissions process rewards impressive-sounding extracurriculars like the non-profit AI incubator she mentioned. This sounds like the worst of both worlds…all of the stress of busyness with none of the basic skills that give you the confidence to know you can take care of yourself and manage your own life.
Well said!
Very fine essay, Tomas. One point was unclear to me: When you mention "observing taboos for education" what does that mean? Can you give an example or two?
It comes from a paper, and my interpretation given the context is that it very literally means that! Like seeing your parents or another couple have sex
There's a famous Monty python sketch where John Cleese has sex with his wife in front of a classroom of boys while explaining the mechanics of it.
I didn’t know. Hilarious! Oh boy how much have we lost! I can’t imagine seeing that now
https://youtu.be/qz1E303AwVQ?si=DoWQLK9U4wVED6f3
I think these initiations declined because the party (quince) became increasingly detached from the outcome (womanhood).
As a society I feel we've decreased the value of these initiations, such as those of college and marriage.
But as individuals, I feel there are some that proactively seek out their own coming-of-age initiations, and maybe setting the bar for their friends too. When I was younger, I was prideful in getting accepted to college, working, moving in with my gf, drinking, etc., earlier than the rest, because it felt that I was taking on responsibility faster.
I think it is often too problematic to treat all members of a group (in your example adolescents) in the same way. People are very different, and the more "extreme" group practices such as these ceremonies/camps can ostracise and potentially harm the "outliers". Think of how young people on the autism spectrum, disabled, gender diverse etc. can be harmed by "normies".
On the other hand, I had positive experiences of first year "fresher" initiation week at my residential college hall. Bonding through shared and sustained difficulty can be a good thing. You just have to make sure things don't go too far, and peoples differences are catered for.
Agreed.
The existence of a mainstream should not negate that of outliers.
Similarly, the existence of outliers should not negate the existence of the mainstream—and the fact that it's a majority. The fact that a few people might need an adaptation is not at odds with the fact that most people would benefit from a common rite. Simply adapt. And I'm sensitive to this topic, having a close person in my circle with autism.
The growth spurt makes a good proxy for sexual maturity.
Great article. There's an organization called Illuman that sponsors Rites of Passage for men. I recently participated as a staff member in the rites for a group of young men (see https://www.illumandc.org/ymrop-2024). It was incredible to see the transformation of nine young men over the course of five days.
Interesting. The way it’s marketed sounds very close to what I am suggesting on the article!
What transformation did you see?
It's based on Richard Rohr's work on male spirituality and the five essential truths and uses rituals and myths to instill Rohr's message. It is not about developing life skills or learning skills to navigate the world. In terms of transformation, I saw young men develop the ability to share hard emotions, appreciate beauty in nature, be more compassionate toward themselves, and be open to the mystery of the spiritual world.
Coming of Age is a topic I have long mused over. Although you minimize the bar mitzvah, it strikes me as an 'intellectual' coming of age: mastering some part of the sacred texts, learning/memorizing an ancient tongue, performing a ritual in front of the community while wearing ritual garments. This can be distinguished from the 'physical' methods of actual isolation, developing survival skills, enduring actual physical pain, and others as described in your thought piece. My assertion is that the different emphases manifest in different ways toward later success in the culture selecting such rituals.
The maturation process takes a decade now, making it nearly impossible to define a narrow age band around which to create new traditions. Girls increasingly begin menses at ages 9 or 10, but societal education has encouraged women to defer pregnancy from 15-18 to 25 to 30+ years (you have written about falling population replacement rates). Boys simply are not educated in any useful skills in a general, community or shared fashion unless by an individual mentor or exemplar - I am discounting high school 'landmarks'. Communal celebrations for men were military (classically 19th to mid 20th c as nation states raised large armies) or entry into the workforce in one's teens in the era of farms or factories. Things are different.
Your proposed solution immediately raised many concerns in my mind. Global populations are increasing living in urban, even megacity environments, far, far from nature (not that I would wish to have even a pod of 14 year olds wandering Central Park for a week!). The ferocious resistance of many parents to even having cell phones locked up at the beginning of a school day makes it very unlikely that delaying access to a smartphone entirely until some communal ritual at age 15, 17 or 18 will find general agreement, and such agreement is absolutely vital to creating a recognized 'Coming of Age'. Also, having an 'elder' or 'counsellor' guide a group through the amazingly complex array of modern skills you list infers a combination of emotional intelligence and social/technical skills that may be so unique, that an insufficient number of such persons could be trained to safely guide entire generations from childhood direct interpersonal babble to adult tiktok/chatGPT remote exchanges. My concerns may be peculiarly American to your international readership, so I note that my reservations may indeed be parochial.
Thx!
Your comment on the Bar Mitzvah is fair. It is more than a party (but much less than a true coming of age rite would beget).
On the rite I suggest, the idea was not to propose that literally but to give an example of what designing one could look like, so people like you could propose alternatives. I’m waiting!
I lived in the US and am American too, so I’m acquainted with its approach.
The kids wouldn’t go to Central Park for a week! They’d go to actual forests.
Parents are more pliable that you think, I reckon. All the best schools could easily demand this to start with, and parents would have to acquiesce. More importantly, most parents do not want to give phones to their children and only do it because other parents do it. This is a coordination pbm that schools can solve. Educating parents on the downsides of phones at an early age would be easy to fully sway them.
The forest guide would not need to have all these skills. You could in fact split skills. One adult for survival, another for the conversations.
What rite would you design?
A great book on the subject I can recommend is "Rites and Symbols of Initiation: The Mysteries of Birth and Rebirth" by Mircea Eliade.
In my own opinion, the closest thing to a rite of passage that's left is probably first time of sexual intercourse. At least among men, you're going to get made fun of if you're a virgin above a certain age, and accepted more when you finally manage to establish a sexual relationship.
Fascinating.
If I get back to this topic I might read it, but I think right now the odds are 17%. What are some other insights you’d highlight?
Insights from the book, you mean? The second paragraph had nothing to do with it, just a statement of my own observation.
As for the book, I can summarize why I recommended it. I'd put it somewhere between sociology and psychoanalysis: Eliade explains the significance of rites of initiation both on a societal and individual level. Understanding this can aid in coming up with new ones, as you attempted.
Broadly there are a) Coming-of-age initiations, during puberty, signifying acceptance as a full member of the tribe (boy or girl become man and woman) b) initiations into "secret societies", from Freemasons and the like to religions like Christianity and Judaism, signifying membership, knowledge of the mysteries of these cults c) individual initiations, like rites of passage to become a shaman or priest, signifying ascent to a higher state of being, or enlightenment.
In every case, the intent is to impart on the individual knowledge of the various traditions through repetition of the actions of a mythological ancestor. This way, the cultural values, the "way of life" is taught and passed on. Through reenactment, the culture is revitalized and continually reborn. Example: holy communion, where you partake of the body of Christ like the apostles.
Eliade explains all this in detail in case studies of Australia's Aborigines and South American tribes, showing common themes all the way to rights of initiation of today's world religions. Very briefly, one such theme would be descent into the underworld (facing one's fears) followed by rebirth (see the story of Orpheus or Jesus Christ). Sometimes, instead of the underworld, it's the belly of a great beast (saint Jonah, Pinocchio), or the earth itself.
This is, in my opinion, some essential knowledge to craft new rights of passage. Or, if nothing else, to explain the efficacy of old rites (this may be why, supposedly, there's a resurgence of religiosity in Gen Z).
Super interesting. Thanks!!
Oh, fascinating. Thanks for writing this!
I like the argument in one Buffy episode that the SAT is a coming-of-age rite--it's hard by design, often the source of stress, and it's typically the first test you take, as a child, that's meant primarily for college (i.e. adulthood).
I speculated recently (https://outlandishclaims.substack.com/p/some-nazca-line-explanations) that the Nazca lines in Peru were meant as a rite. We could use them almost the same way today, but there'd be spoilers issues.
IMO, the central skill of adulthood is perspective-taking. Maybe the rite should be done in pairs--two strangers with limited information about each other and no ability to directly communicate, trying to coordinate and meet up.
Very interesting, these ideas of perspective taking and communicating with strangers. There’s something to them. A good rite could take them into consideration.
Great article, and fascinating viewpoints in the comments. Bravo 👏🏼
Brilliantly written! And completely agree that there should be a defining moment in this new world order that signifies to all the transition from childhood to adulthood. Love your thoughts around the smartphone idea. Admittedly I'm at a loss to improve on it but I'll be sure to start the conversation with my friends.
Report back with insights!
Very refreshing article. One reflection I would like to add is the fact that maturity correlates a lot with the kind of society you live in. As youth worker dealing with people from different countries I noticed that the adulthood could difers as much as 10 years depending on the country you were raised. For example, a Dutch youngster is expected to move out home before their 20s while already accumulated work experience in 4/5 summer jobs. In the other side for a Italian is quite common to stay at home unemployed even until your 30s. And not, is not only about the economical situation. Being Mediterranean myself I can say that our strong family culture makes our "childhood" longer than to the counterparts from more individualistic countries.
Finally, related with your passage proposals... there is a cool experiment initiated few years ago. Under DiscoverEU programme the European Commission has been giving away hundreds of thousands of free train tickets to 18 years old. The objective? to push them to travel on their own to other country.
I agree that these travel initiatives are great!
The cultural aspect is valid, but the sexual and mental changes are biological. I don't think we should negate them. You can become an adult and still live with your parents! But maybe if you believe you're an adult, your cohabitation with your parents will be more constructive.
Great article, Tomas. I experienced many facets of this topos: Jugendweihe, confirmation, walk-away, no-passage-at-all, individual passage. Luckily without any mutilation or force.
What a wealth. Anecdotically, your written thoughts fully hatch the contours of my experience. I support your footnotes (yet also men shall decide whether to cover their hair or not, cut their beard or not).